It’s always fun to learn a sexual skill you had no idea you were capable of — it’s like unlocking a treasure trove of pleasure. And for many people, squirting is one of those things that can open up a whole new world once you learn it.
The phenomenon commonly referred to as squirting happens when fluid — anywhere between a few drops and multiple cups — is involuntarily expelled through the urethra of someone with a vulva during sexual activity, explains clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon. “Squirting is a different physiological process than orgasm. For some, they occur at the same time, while for others, they happen separately.”
There’s a lot of variation in whether, when, and how people squirt, and it’s all normal. “For some people with a vagina, squirting occurs naturally during sex or sexual stimulation,” says sex therapist Tatyana Dyachenko. “For others, it can be brought on by specific stimulation, and some people never experience it.”
With that in mind, here’s a step-by-step guide on how to try out squirting for yourself.
1. Relax your body and mind
Squirting often requires a deep level of relaxation. “The key is to relax — if you don’t, your body will tense up and you won’t be able to achieve anything,” says Dyachenko. Clinical sexologist Diana Nadim recommends before you even get started to light candles, listen to sexy music, massag yourself, or have a partner massage you. You’ll have the best results if you receive sexual touch in a totally stress-free state.
It’ll also help to prepare with a towel on your bed, Dyachenko adds, so you can put any fears of making a mess out of your mind. For even more protection, you can order a special squirting blanket or use puppy pads or incontinence pads, says Melancon.
2. Tease yourself
“When you begin touch and stimulation in ‘non-sexual’ parts of the body and work your way toward your breasts and genitals, it helps shift your nervous system to an optimal state for sexual activity, increasing arousal and pleasure,” says Melancon. She recommends massaging the outside of your breasts in a circular motion and working your way in toward your nipples, then touching your inner thighs, outer labia, and inner labia before stimulating your genitals.
Each time you feel the desire to touch a new part of your body, try holding out a little bit longer before you give yourself (or your partner gives you) what you want. Sexual desire works “just like hunger, when we’ve been craving something and finally get to eat it,” says Melancon. The more you want it — and the more you savor it — the more delicious it’ll be.
3. Give your clit some love
You’ll be able to feel more internally (and avoid any discomfort associated with overly aggressive penetration) if you’re already turned on, so first, focus on external genital stimulation. Clitoral stimulation “helps to get the blood flowing to your pelvic region and gets you in the mood,” says Dyachenko.
Continue trying to go as slowly as possible, spending ideally 20-45 minutes warming yourself up before attempting penetration. “It is ideal if you can sense your body’s craving for penetration before entering,” says Melancon. “As you play with your vulva and clitoris, bring your attention toward your vagina and sense its own ‘wanting’ for internal touch.”
4. Find the G-spot
Squirting usually involves stimulation of the G-spot, a sensitive area about two inches into the vagina, says Melancon. If you or a partner puts a finger inside your vagina, the G-spot will feel like a little bump on the upper wall. “This area contains tissue that surrounds the urethra,” says Dyachenko. “That is what you want to focus on stimulating.”
5. Stimulate the G-spot
Once you know where the G-spot is, you can experiment with different ways of pushing and rubbing this area. A lot of people enjoy having their G-spot stimulated with a come-hither motion — that is, putting a slightly bent finger (or two or three) into the vagina and moving it up and down. Other things you can do include “pressing on the area (with fingers/toys/penis remaining still) for increased pressure, tapping or pulsing the area, or massaging in a circle (clockwise or counterclockwise),” says Melancon.
You can also use a toy like Arc that’s designed to target the G-spot, which frees your hands or your partner’s for clitoral stimulation.
6. Keep your whole body involved
Try to incorporate plenty of kissing (if you’re with a partner), nipple play, clitoral stimulation, and whatever else helps turn you on while your G-spot is receiving attention. This will help you stay in your body enough to feel all the pleasure available to you. “It is not just sex that makes you squirt but all the things that go on during this process,” says Nadim.
7. Be patient
You may not squirt the first few times you try, and that’s perfectly normal. “Remember to be patient,” says Dyachenko. “If it doesn’t work the first time, try again another day.” Also, don’t give up after just a few minutes — you may need to stimulate your G-spot for a while. And if you get a sensation like you’re going to pee, don’t let that stop you: It’s actually a sign that you’re almost there, says Nadim. If you can’t get past it, though, that may be a sign that you’re not aroused enough and need more warming up, says Melancon.
Also, if you’re trying too hard to squirt rather than relaxing and enjoying the moment, it may backfire. “It’s important to understand that the G-spot isn’t a button you push 500 times until you win the prize,” says Melancon. “The irony is that squirting is an involuntary physical response, so the more you ‘try’ to squirt, the less likely it is to happen. Enjoy the pleasure you feel without worrying whether or not you will squirt. If you squirt, awesome! If not, there’s always tomorrow.”
8. Don’t judge the experience
Squirting is sometimes depicted as a sign that someone’s just had the best orgasm of their life — and for some, it is. But others don’t orgasm at all when they squirt. “Many feel a high level of pleasure when the fluid is released, though some don’t actually notice they’ve squirted until they see the bedsheets later,” says Melancon. “if you tend to orgasm from clitoral stimulation without penetration (such as during oral sex), your orgasm and squirting experiences may not line up. There’s no right or wrong, so long as you’re feeling good!”
Lastly and importantly, if you don’t squirt, that doesn’t mean that those who do are out there having better sex than you. Different people have different feelings about squirting — some like it, others don’t — and either way, it’s only one of many awesome things your body can do.