Using your favorite sex toy, exploring mindfulness techniques for de-stressing, and attending a session with your local sex therapist can all be routine parts of your sexual wellness regimen. Contrary to popular belief, anyone can head to a sex therapist, regardless of whether they have a dysfunction. Many people experience some sort of sexual difficulty and some point in their lives, yet support is under-sought due to stigma and misconceptions about what sex therapy entails.
Misconceptions about sex therapy
Sex therapy might be the most misunderstood kind of therapy, as it’s riddled with ideas that mostly come from shame around sex and the misconception that only sexual dysfunctions warrant seeing a specialist. Linda Whiteside, LPCC, Lead Clinical Counselor of NuView Treatment Center explained that many people think sex therapy is all about sex, as in, the physical act of doing the do, but that’s just not the case.
Cassie Krajewski, LCSW, a social worker at Inner Atlas Therapy and an AASECT-certified sex therapist explained that it’s not just individuals with severe sexual problems who seek the support of a sex therapist. “In reality, it can be helpful for a wide range of sexual concerns, from enhancing intimacy to addressing communication issues or exploring one's sexuality,” Krajewski said.
Sex therapy doesn’t provide one-size-fits-all cures for sexual concerns. Like any type of therapy, you usually don’t “graduate” after one session. Sexuality is complex and therefore can require some societal detangling to get to the crux of what brings you to the office. “It often requires time, effort, and commitment to address underlying emotional, relational, and psychological factors contributing to sexual concerns,” Krajewski said.
Some still maintain the idea that sex therapy is all about learning positions and techniques. Krajewski clarifies that while this can be a part of sessions, it’s also about cultivating emotional connection, bettering communication, and addressing psychological factors that influence your sexual well-being.
Reasons why people go to sex therapy
Talking about sex, especially coming from a society where sex is taboo and under-discussed, might not be an innate skill for many. Many lack the practice of discussing sex openly. Some people struggle with naming their desires, discussing kinks with a partner, or even just telling their partner something they enjoy about sex. For this reason, people may seek sex therapy to work on communication skills. Because you’re chatting with someone who has ample experience discussing sex, it might feel like a safer container than bringing up the topic out of the blue when you haven’t had much prior experience. You can then work on your toolkit for discussing needs and desires with current or future partners.
Of course, people seek sex therapy for dysfunctions, too. Whiteside explained that some of these drivers entail impotence, challenges in reaching orgasm, or early ejaculation. Krajewski explains that a common reason people head to sex therapy is that they encounter a desire or libido mismatch with their partner—where one person wants to have sex more often than the other, which can, of course, cause tension in a relationship without the skillset for solutions.
Performance anxiety is another reason, which happens to people of any gender. This can include anxiety or stress related to sexual performance, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, Krajewski explained. For people with vulvas, there can be anxiety around achieving orgasm. Sex therapy can help get to the root of this anxiety, and offer skills for when it rears its head into the bedroom.
“Relationship conflicts, trust issues, or emotional disconnection can negatively impact sexual intimacy and lead couples to seek therapy to address these underlying problems,” Krajewski said. A sex therapist can also help with issues like infidelity, sexual trauma, or concerns about libido shifts from aging.
A sex therapist should be specifically trained in the spectrum of genders, sexual orientations, kink, and polyamory. “Individuals who are questioning their sexual orientation, dealing with issues related to sexual identity, or seeking support for non-traditional sexual preferences may also seek sex therapy for guidance and understanding,” Krajewski said.
When to see a sex therapist as opposed to a traditional therapist
A sex therapist can offer specialized support when it comes to, well, all things sex. Nothing that you say in this department is going to shock them. While a traditional therapist might be adequate for dealing with these concerns, you might want someone who is kink-affirming or knows exactly what to recommend when you show up with a specific sexual difficulty.
“I help patients from a whole spectrum of concerns, but when I determine the nature of the issue is revolving around sex, I refer them to sex therapists…so they can get more specific and specialized care,” Whiteside said.
Further, when relationship issues are intertwined with sexual issues, a sex therapist can manage and help you explore both simultaneously, Krawjewski added.
Why sex therapy can help foster sexual wellness
Similar to the goal of couple’s counseling, you’ll learn to understand yourself and your partner more in sex therapy, which may lead to better sexual satisfaction and rebuild your confidence when it comes to sex, Whiteside said.
Just as you don’t need a problem to go to traditional therapy, you don’t need to have a sexual difficulty to schedule an appointment with a sex therapist. Whiteside explained that it’s essential people remember that seeking out sex therapy is not shameful. “Being in a good state of wellness is just as important as keeping your heart or blood pressure in good condition,” Whiteside said.
“Sexual pleasure and satisfaction are closely linked to mental and emotional well-being. A satisfying sex life can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also boost self-esteem and body image,” Krajewski said.
Instead of thinking about sex therapy as a solution to fix a problem, it’s a tool to better your sexual wellness. A satisfying sex life can be closely entwined with someone’s satisfaction in life. It makes sense, then, to want to explore your sexuality further, with the help of a specialist.
