Most women go through two major hormonal shifts in their life: puberty and menopause. And while everyone from school health classes to movies to books talk about the changes that happen during puberty, menopause isn’t really discussed as much. Something that’s talked about even less? Sex after menopause.
“We were all born in 1950,” Joan, 70, says. “This is not something that people talk about. I mean, more than we used to, certainly. But not much.”
But before we dive into what you can expect about post-menopausal sex — and what you can do about it — let’s do a quick definition of terms. First, many people say “menopause” or “going through menopause” when they actually mean “perimenopause.” Menopause isn’t a process, but a fixed point: It’s when a woman’s period has officially stopped, forever.
Perimenopause, on the other hand, is the the transition from being fertile to no longer being fertile. It’s the period of time where your period gets irregular and you might experience mood swings, hot flashes, and other side effects of estrogen and testosterone dropping as your body gets ready for a new phase of life.
Menopause also comes with other physical changes that can alter people’s sexual function, says Dr. Serena McKenzie, sexual medicine specialist and medical advisor to Rory, the digital health clinic for women.
“It is important to know that vaginal dryness, pain with intercourse, or lowered libido can be symptoms of menopause, and easily fixed if you make it a priority to establish care with a menopause medical provider,” Dr. McKenzie says. “Women also commonly experience emotional changes with menopause such as depression or anxiety that can impair intimacy and enjoyment of life,” so “it is important to seek talk therapy, make healthy lifestyle changes, and see a medical provider to address mood problems as well.”
still keeps growing and changing,” Joan says. “As part of our relationship, I think we’re better at communicating and I’m better at communicating sexual things.”
And better communication, we all know, almost always lead to better sex.
“Open communication about how our body, emotions and sexual preferences may evolve with menopause is critical to a satisfying intimate relationship."For my mom, one unexpected side effect of perimenopause was that, after a life of being a sexual person, she just wasn’t anymore. “I really lost my libido during it,” she says. “And I kind of knew that could happen, but I didn’t really think it would happen to me. Sex became somewhat distasteful. All of a sudden I just feel like, ‘Ugh, animals do this.’” Dr. Leslie Meserve, Chief Medical Officer and co-founder of CurieMD, a telehealth platform for menopausal women, says that loss of libido isn’t uncommon for people going through perimenopause. “A lot of women are taught that intimacy and sexual desire withers away in midlife,” Dr. Meserve says. “While low libido is a common side effect of perimenopause and menopause, it is manageable.” So how do you manage it? Let’s take a look at some expert tips about sex during perimenopause and after menopause.