Curious about adding a third person to the mix? You’re not alone. Threesomes are one of the most common sexual fantasies, and for good reason—they invite exploration, excitement, and intimacy in new ways. But making a three-person fantasy a reality can feel daunting. That’s why we’ve created this guide to help you navigate the experience with confidence and care.
What Is a Threesome?
A threesome is any sexual encounter involving three people. This can include a mix of genders and dynamics—MFF (male-female-female), FFM (female-female-male), or MMF (male-male-female), among others. Whether you’re part of a couple inviting a third, or three singles exploring together, the key to a great threesome is communication and mutual consent.
Is a Threesome Right for You?
Before diving in, ask yourself (and your partner, if applicable) a few key questions:
- What’s your motivation? Are you curious, looking to fulfill a fantasy, or hoping to spice up your relationship?
- Are you ready to communicate openly? Discussing boundaries, expectations, and aftercare is crucial.
- Can you manage jealousy? It’s normal to feel some jealousy, but being honest about it upfront helps everyone stay on the same page.
How to Bring It Up
Talking about a threesome can feel intimidating, but framing it as an exploration of shared pleasure can help ease the conversation. Timing is also important. Avoid bringing up a threesome for the first time when you are your partner are being intimate. Keep it neutral: you could mention the subject during a walk or when having breakfast. Here’s how to approach it:
- Start with curiosity: “I’ve been thinking about fantasies lately—what’s yours?”
- Share your own desires: “One of mine has always been a threesome. What do you think?”
- Emphasize collaboration: “If we ever tried it, we’d make sure it’s a comfortable and fun experience for both of us.”
Finding the Right Third
Choosing a third person is one of the most important steps. Here are some tips:
- Know what you’re looking for: Is this a one-time experience or something ongoing?
- Discuss preferences: Would you prefer a stranger, a friend, or someone you meet together?
- Use the right platforms: Apps like Feeld or OkFun can help you find like-minded individuals.
Setting Boundaries
Clear boundaries are essential to ensure everyone feels safe and respected. Be sure to read up on How to Have a Happy, Healthy Threesome on our blog. Then, here are some topics to discuss:
- Who will initiate certain acts.
- Which activities are off-limits.
- How to handle emotional feelings or jealousy.
The Night Of: Tips for a Great Experience
When the big moment arrives, remember:
- Keep communication open: Check in with everyone throughout.
- Focus on consent: Ensure all parties are comfortable every step of the way.
- Use the right tools: Products like Dame’s Aloe Lube and Massage Oil Candle can help set the mood and make touch more enjoyable.
To kick off the conversation when the three of you are together, some of the below questions can be helpful:
- What do you like about being intimate?
- When someone needs a break, should we all stop, or is it ok to keep going with the two partners that don’t need a break?
- Is there a position you would like to try?
Aftercare Matters
Just like with any intimate experience, aftercare is crucial. This might include:
- Checking in with everyone about how they felt.
- Sharing gratitude for the experience.
- Spending quality time with your partner to reinforce your connection.
Resources for Threesomes and Beyond
If you’re exploring new ways to enhance intimacy, Dame offers a range of tools to help. From body-safe products like vibrators and balms to our Swell blog content, Dame is here to support your journey toward deeper connection and pleasure.
Would we want to add a couple of questions the reader can ask to kick off the conversation with the 2 other partners? For example:
- What do you like about being intimate?
- What are your hardlines?
- How have you fantasized about being together?
- Is there anything you want to watch?
- When you need a break how will you communicate?
- When someone needs a break should we all stop or is it ok to keep going with the two partners that don’t need a break?
- Is there a position you would like to try?
- If you feel jealous how will you communicate the feeling and your needs?
Reviewed by:
Madeline Gregg, A.B.S. Certified Sexologist
