Reality dating shows are probably not where we should extract love or relationship advice. One of the latest shows to unveil a nightmarish dating experiment is “The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On,” hosted by Nick and Vanessa Lachey. The show's premise is that one person in a relationship issues an ultimatum to their partner: get married or break up.
To test the relationships, the partners separate, live with another participant on the show for three weeks, and then rejoin their original partner for another three weeks. At the end of the show, the participants decide to move forward with marrying their original partner, choosing to continue a relationship with their step-in partner, or head home single.
The show kicks up a few questions about black and white relationship demands. Can ultimatums ever help relationships, or do they hurt them? Do ultimatums help partners make decisions or back them into a corner? I talked to two therapists and an intimacy coach to find out.
Boundaries maintain relationships within certain parameters; ultimatums take away the other person's autonomy.