Why Is Makeup Sex So Hot?“Makeup sex is primal,” says psychosexual therapist and couples counselor Cate Mackenzie. “When you argue with your partner, your body is aroused like an animal on the hunt for prey. Your mind mirrors this physical response and becomes aroused too, bypassing all emotional reasoning—so you head straight for the sex, fueled by hormones, meaning your argument won’t get resolved any time soon.” A resolution is also unlikely to be on your mind since the body ramps up the production of testosterone when it’s flushed with adrenaline. And because testosterone is the key sex hormone driving your libido, you’ll only be thinking about one thing. The ensuing orgasm then triggers the release of oxytocin (the so-called cuddle hormone), flushing you anew with feelings of love and convincing you that it was all worth it. As the endorphins generated during sex compensate for the cortisol buzz you get from arguing, it’s easy to see how this cycle could become addictive. Many sex therapists and sexologists refer to this phenomenon as arousal transfer, most famously demonstrated in the so-called “bridge experiment.” Penis-havers were approached by an attractive vulva-haver, on either a scary suspension bridge or a solid, stable one. In the first case, the penis owners were more sexually aroused by the woman; their “fear arousal” was simply transferred to “sexual arousal.” Psychologist Samantha Joel explains one other aspect of the equation in Psychology Today. She says that a serious argument between partners can trigger feelings that the relationship is in danger. That activates the biological attachment system, which motivates people to maintain their important relationships – and in a relationship, that’s done primarily through intimacy and sex. Makeup sex might hit the spot now and then, but if this is the only way you can have sex with your partner your relationship may well be in crisis. Therapist Sally Baker works with clients whose relationships are in need of repair. “I look for signs of a healthy relationship: a shared bedtime; they can both can remember the last time they had sex together; and sex is regular, consensual, and mutually enjoyable.” If those signs don’t exist, there’s trouble ahead.
It is possible to have hot, exciting sex without conflict. It just takes a bit of emotional intelligence.Ideally, a couple might enjoy “a potpourri of sex, from performance to the perfunctory, the quickie and the kinky,” Baker adds. “Yet if you’re only having one type of sex, and that’s makeup sex, your relationship really is far from healthy.”