Butt stuff is kind of having a moment. A little less than half of all men in the US report having tried some type of anal play in their lifetime.
Anal sex isn’t something that’s only for queer folks (though queer people report higher levels of anal play) — anyone with a butt can enjoy butt stuff! But for people with prostates, anal pleasure can be an out-of-this-world experience.
This small gland can pack a pleasurable punch, so let’s learn all about it.
Finding the Prostate
The prostate is a small, walnut-sized gland located inside of the body, close to the bladder and the rectum.
If you were born with a penis, you likely have a prostate. Transgender women who have had vaginoplasty typically still have a prostate, too — that means that for trans women, penetrative vaginal sex can lead to incredibly intense orgasms.
As you get older, your prostate can increase in size (which can make you feel like you have to pee, even if nothing comes out when you try).
The prostate is incredibly sensitive, and although it’s located inside of the body, you can stimulate it even without penetration. But before you start exploring your prostate at all, you need to have one essential item on standby: lube. Lots and lots of lube.
Not only does the anus not self-lubricate, it’s also incredibly sensitive and prone to tearing, which can be painful, not pleasurable. So, keep your tush happy and healthy by using lube for all of your anal adventures (spit doesn’t count).
If you start experiencing pain at any time during your exploration, stop. While we might pursue pain for sexual gratification, unwanted pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong. Listen to it, and schedule an appointment with your doctor for a check-up.
Prostate Stimulation without Penetration
If you want to explore your prostate without penetration, find your perineum — it’s that thin band of skin between the testicles and the anus. You can use your clean, lubricated fingers to apply some massage-style pressure here.
As with any other type of sexual play, I recommend starting off with lighter pressure and increasing from there, as your comfort level allows. Remember, pleasure is the point! So, if it hurts or feels uncomfortable, take a break. If it’s consistently painful, talk with your doctor.
Many people enjoy external prostate stimulation and perineal massage, but if you’re looking for a whole new world of sensation, internal play is where you’ll find it.
Prostate Stimulation with Penetration
You haven’t lost that lube, have you? You’re going to need it where you’re going!
Many people love stimulating their prostate more directly, through penetrative anal play. You can do this with fingers, a partner’s penis, or a toy (more on that later). But before you start exploring the great behind, you need a map of where you’re going.
Before you start any type of penetration, warm your body up with some well-lubricated perineal massage, anal massage, or analingus. Once you feel ready and receptive, start small — use one finger to gently start exploring your anus.
Your prostate is located to the front of your rectum. So, as you penetrate yourself, curve your fingers slightly toward your belly, applying a gentle rocking motion. You’ll typically find your prostate when you’re about two knuckles deep in your booty.
Need a refresher? Here’s what to look for:
- Walnut-sized gland that feels soft or rubbery
- Located about two knuckles (or two inches) deep in the rectum
- Located on the front wall of the rectum (toward your belly, not your back)
When you stimulate your prostate, you might have a sudden urge to pee. That’s because the prostate presses against your bladder and urethra, so by pressing on it, you may be indirectly stimulating them, too.
Simple Tips for Prostate Pleasure
If you’re just starting out with prostate play, you might feel a wide variety of emotions — excitement, nervousness, uncertainty, and self-consciousness to name a few. But ultimately, prostate play is about exploring a new type of sexual pleasure!
Any time you try a new thing, you’re going to learn something about yourself. You might try prostate play and find that it’s too intense for you. Or, you might have a new favorite activity. And yes, you might feel just “meh” about it.
You may have read a bunch of articles saying that prostate play will totally blow your mind. And it might! But every person is different — and so are the things they enjoy in bed.
So, be patient as you start exploring. If things feel just average the first time, try switching some aspects up and try again when you’re ready. When you find a moment where you say “oh hey, this feels good” follow that thread and see where it leads you.
There are many different ways to pleasurably engage your prostate, and as long as you’re using lube, listening to your body, and using booty-safe toys, you’re ready to go!
And hey, partners? I’m addressing most of this article to people exploring their own prostates. But if you’re helping your partner explore theirs, these tips still apply.
I also highly recommend fine-tuning your communication skills — anal play can come with higher risks of injury, so active and ongoing communication is a must. Don’t assume you know what your partner is enjoying or ready for without checking with them!
5 Things to Look for When Buying a Prostate Toy
I’ll be honest — buying sex toys can feel overwhelming even for experienced toy owners. So if you’re stressing about finding the best toy for your prostate, save this list of tips.
1. Your toy should be made from nonporous materials.
The sex toy industry in the United States isn’t regulated. That means that the toy you purchased might be made out of materials that are porous, meaning they hold onto bacteria, and that degrade over time. Nobody wants that.
When it comes to buying sex toys, keep an eye out for items made from nonporous materials.
These are materials that can be sanitized in between uses, keeping them squeaky clean. Plus, toys made from nonporous materials last longer, making your purchase an even better investment.
Here are the materials to look for:
- 100%, medical-grade silicone: This is the most common nonporous material on the market. It can easily be sanitized and is long-lasting. Pure silicone toys are often beginner- and budget-friendly, too! Bootie by Fun Factory is a great silicone prostate toy for beginners.
- Borosilicate glass: Sounds fancy, but chances are, you’ve encountered this material before — it’s the same type of glass used in Pyrex glassware. Borosilicate glass is extremely strong, making it unlikely to break. Due to the higher price point and highly specific sensation, I wouldn’t recommend this as a beginner’s toy material. However, the smoothness of the glass can make for a more comfortable insertion. Crystal Delights makes great borosilicate glass butt plugs
- Stainless steel: Yep, like your refrigerator. Like borosilicate glass toys, I wouldn’t consider stainless steel to be a beginner’s material thanks to its cost and weight — these toys are hefty! However, if you know you like the sensation of fullness and heavy pressure, they can be a thrilling option. Njoy makes gorgeous stainless steel plugs in a variety of sizes.
2. Your toy should have a flared base or a handle.
This must-have is truly a must-have – tbh, it’s non-negotiable. While you can’t lose things in your vagina, you can lose things in your butt, thanks to the two sets of sphincters that create a sort of vacuum.
If you want to avoid ending up in your own personal episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER, your butt toy must have a flared base or a handle. Otherwise, it can get drawn all the way into your body, and you may need surgery to remove it.
Specifically, your toy should have a flared base that is larger than the girthiest insertable portion — check out this b-Vibe Rocker Plug for an example of a safe base. Anal toys might also have a handle (like the one on this set of anal beads by Sportsheets), but a standard flared base is more common.
Strings don’t count as handles, by the way — they’re both porous and breakable. Which brings me to my next point!
3. Your toy should be specifically designed for butts.
People put all sorts of household objects up their butts, but that doesn’t mean you should (remember all of the flared base stuff we covered already?). Your butt can be a great source of pleasure, but if you don’t take care of it, you can end up with…a big pain in the ass.
That means making sure that whatever you put into your butt is specifically designed for anal use — this helps you avoid trips to the emergency room and helps keep prostate play pleasurable.
4. Vibrations? It’s up to you!
Every person’s body is different, but as a general rule, the prostate loves pressure — it responds to a firm touch and consistent back-and-forth motions.
That means you can use your fingers, a strapped-on dildo, or your partner’s fingers or cock to stimulate it. You also have a wide variety of toy options here, including some that vibrate, rock, thrust, or swirl (and sometimes, all of the above).
If you’re just getting started with prostate play and are in the market for a toy, I’d recommend starting with a non-vibrating toy at first, like the Aneros Helix Syn Trident or Fun Factory’s Bootie. Why? They cost less and can help you get used to the sensation, without becoming overwhelmed by vibrating components.
5. Look for the curve.
Ultimately, even non-curved toys can feel pleasurable to your prostate. They still provide pressure, after all!
But if you want to maximize prostate stimulation, look for toys that have a curve or a bulbous head. That extra bit of pressure on your prostate can feel out of this world and can make all the difference!
If you’re asking a partner to strap-on for some pegging action, look for dildos that have a curve, too (and maybe an extra-defined head if you’re experienced with receiving strap-on sex). This Strap-On-Me dildo is harness-compatible and comes in 5 different sizes and this Sportsheets Jinx dildo is great for beginners.
Prostate play can be an exciting addition to your sexual repertoire — so if you’re curious, lube up and enjoy the ride!