pleasure activism
Culture

Pleasure Is a Form of Resistance

6 min read

Created on 11/06/2020
Updated on 13/10/2022
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Digging Deeper into the Meaning of "Self Care" and "Take Care"

Alexandra Fine

Alexandra Fine

Dame founder & sexologist

10+ years of experience

Sexual wellness Orgasm science Pleasure education

Alexandra Fine is the co-founder and CEO of Dame, a pioneering sexual wellness company known for its innovative products and mission to close the pleasure gap. Recognized in Forbes’ 30 Under 30 2018, Alexandra leads Dame in designing user-centered tools that enhance intimacy, receiving acclaim from major outlets like The New York Times and Wired. Under her leadership, Dame Products has become a leader in the sexual wellness industry, raised over $14M in capital, and launched in Target and Walmart, all while advocating for women's health and breaking barriers in advertising.

Edie Elliott Granger

Edie Elliott Granger

Editor & content strategist

3+ years of experience

Sexual wellness Orgasm science Pleasure education

Edie Elliott Granger is Dame's editor and content strategist specializing in sexual wellness, pleasure education, and accessible health information. She helps shape editorial content at Dame, translating research, expert insights, and cultural conversations into clear, approachable resources. With a background in sex education, her work focuses on making conversations around sex, bodies, and pleasure more informed, inclusive, and stigma-free.

“Pleasure activism is the work we do to reclaim our whole, happy, satisfiable selves from the impacts, delusions, and limitations of oppression and/or supremacy…learning to make justice and liberation the most pleasurable experiences we can have on this planet.” – adrienne marie brown For marginalized people and especially Black people, holistic healing is a lifestyle of resistance, and care is the antidote to violence. Wellness requires us to start questioning the hegemony that normalizes shame and suffering. Over time, we have learned to associate our productivity with our worth, so rest becomes a rebellion. Systemic racism has poisoned us with disparate access to healthy food and clean water, so detoxification and nourishment are forms of radical justice. Because white supremacy has silenced us, storytelling and consuming our own music and art become revolutionary acts of collective care. Physically abused, sexually exploited, and hyper-sexualized, we honor and reclaim our sexuality for ourselves as a form of liberation. The truth is that wellness strategies are even more critical for marginalized communities than they are for the rich, white women targeted by this multibillion-dollar industry. As a Black, queer wellness professional who has survived dating violence and reproductive health trauma, I have found compassion for my mental health challenges and divested from my old, insatiable Ivy League measures of success. I teach restorative yoga classes and lead mindfulness workshops, and I started Blind Seed events and self-care coaching to bring inclusive and accessible care and wellness strategies to marginalized communities. The following care rituals have been integrated into my ever-evolving personal practice in response to the trauma and crisis we now face, and they have blessed me with immeasurable resilience. It is a pleasure to share them with the Dame community in solidarity.

Questioning: Dreamwork and Intention-Setting

Considering a vision for the future is essential groundwork for any revolution. It’s not enough to identify the problem and offer solutions. There must be a greater vision beyond righting the wrongs of the past. What are our dreams and fantasies for the future? These dreams will keep us tethered to our activism in a way that tiny victories cannot.

Rest: Naps and Time Alone

Embedded deep into New York’s innovative start-up world for the past ten years, I’m finally stepping into the truth that activist and community healer Tricia Hersey so clearly states: “Grind culture is violence.” And it often upholds the white supremacist systems that value profit over people. So I’ve started to schedule rest in addition to meditation. I dedicate time to napping in my calendar after a sleepless night, using time management tools to remind myself that my productivity isn’t a measure of my worth. It’s a difficult mindset to unravel, but these are the lessons in unlearning that dismantling systems of oppression require.
Wellness requires us to start questioning the hegemony that normalizes shame and suffering.

Detoxing: Soaks and Purifying Baths

Drawing a bath with epsom salts and oils of mint and eucalyptus has brought so much peace to these chaotic nights. Like a weighted blanket, soaking the body in warm water can lend a sense of safety and recreate a comforting, womb-like experience. Adding salt to the bath brings a purifying element to the ritual, drawing out impurities from the body. As the weather starts to warm up, regular submersion into cool saltwater will also offer a similar grounding through uniform pressure with an added benefit of invigorated blood flow. Take a dip on your next beach day!

Nourishing: Healthy Home Cooking

Each week sheltering in place, I cook one thing I’ve only ever enjoyed in a restaurant. I fill my grocery list with items based on a menu plan that excites me and also attends honestly to my allergies and aversions to dairy, wheat, and sugar. I consider what dish I would order if I could pop into any of my favorite restaurants, and then I look up the top-rated recipes for that dish online. So far, some of my favorites have included buffalo cauliflower, red red black eyed peas, and lamb-stuffed cabbage rolls.

Visualizing: Color Therapy

Colors have a visceral effect on our experiences, so I often check in with myself in mediation to consider what color I could imagine the air to be in my current and then in my best feeling state. I envision that best feeling color washing over me and breathing it in. Sometimes I’ll connect even more to that color. For example, I’ve embraced ultraviolet lately and find myself writing with purple ink pens, wearing amethyst jewelry, and painting my toenails with violet polish to access that best feeling more often.

Listening: Self-Love Songs

For me, music has a way of expressing our humanity and emotions in ways that words or actions cannot convey. Coming from a lineage of great Black musicians and music-lovers, it’s powerful for me to reframe love songs as messages from my ancestors or from my highest self. Check out my Songs to Sing to Myself playlist for hours of soothing self-love. Listening deeply to some of my favorite love songs’ lyrics through a self-directed lens has been one of the most healing practices I’ve ever embraced.

Storytelling: Energetic Exchanges With Elders

The elders in my community have faced decades of disenfranchisement, police violence, emotional abuse and systematic racism—yet somehow, they’ve managed to survive and thrive. I’ve started asking my parents and older relatives about their experiences integrating predominantly white institutions and how they cared for themselves in hostile work environments. I’ve listened to my queer elders tell how they coped and cried and carved out safe spaces for community care during the height of the AIDS pandemic. All of these energy exchanges have opened truly intimate spaces for enlightenment and mutual empowerment.

Mindful Masturbation: Shameless Sexuality

Healing touch and sensuality is central to this sacred ritual. Massaging my head and body with coconut oils or drenching my bare flesh in sunlight are two strategies to both heighten and extend the effects of any self-touch experience. Because I live in a world that diminishes the beauty and value of my life based on the color of my skin, it’s important for me to embrace my natural Black features and literally shine a light on my body to counter this toxic narrative. As the world continues to wake up to the thinly veiled atrocities that marginalized people have endured across the world and especially in the United States, let’s continue to open access to healing, justice, and love.

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FAQs

A: A vibrator is a powerful and versatile personal pleasure device that creates vibrations to stimulate various sensitive areas of your body, like the clitoris and G-spot. They come in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and features, so there's something for everyone.

Vibrators can be used on almost any erogenous zone, offering unique sensations that can boost your pleasure and help you discover what feels amazing. Some are designed to mimic penetration, while others focus on external stimulation to give you an unforgettable experience.

Did you know that fewer than 20% of vulva-owner can climax solely with vaginal stimulation or intercourse? This is why vibrators have been growing in popularity, and why companies like Dame are dedicated to amplifying the conversation of closing the pleasure gap.

Learn more on the blog.

A: Using a vibrator can enhance your pleasure significantly, but where you use them differs based on preference and if you are a vulva or penis owner. Begin by selecting a comfortable and private space where you feel at ease. If desired, use sex toy-safe lubrication, as this will enhance sensations and reduce friction. Turn on your vibrator (usually a button on the opposite end of the "head"), and explore different settings or intensities using the buttons provided on the device and gradually finding what feels best for you.

For an additional step-by-step guide, check out detailed instructions here, which talk about insights on techniques, positioning, and tips for maximum pleasure.

A: There are numerous types of vibrators, each designed for various forms of stimulation:

Clit Vibrator: These are specifically shaped to target the clitoris, often with a compact and discreet design for ease of use.

G-spot Vibrator: Typically curved, these vibrators are designed to reach and stimulate the G-spot, providing deeper sensations during penetration.

Finger Vibrator: Small and often worn on the fingertip, these offer precise control and are perfect for targeted stimulation.

Couples Vibrator: Designed to be worn during intercourse, they provide simultaneous pleasure by stimulating both partners.

Vibrating Cock Ring: Worn around the base of the penis, these enhance sensations for both partners during sex and can help with stamina.

Suction Vibrator: These use suction air-pulse technology to create a unique sensation for the clitoris, often simulating oral stimulation.

Wand Vibrator: Known for its powerful motors and larger size, these versatile devices can be used all over the body for broad-based pleasure.

Bullet Vibrator: Compact and portable and designed for targeted stimulation and are perfect for both solo and partnered play.

A: Yes! Dame vibrators are designed to be waterproof, making them suitable for use in the bath or shower. They also come with rechargeable batteries, eliminating the need for disposable batteries and ensuring long-lasting pleasure. Most can be charged via USB, making it easy to keep them ready for when the mood strikes.

A: Dame vibrators are touted for their whisper-quiet motors, designed to pleasure without drawing attention or distracting during intimate moments. If you're looking for a discreet vibrator, try looking for something smaller in size, like a bullet vibrator.