What are your top 5 bedside essentials (Ie. lube, vibes, sleeping mask, books)?
- Two vibrators - one that is clitorally focused and a rimming butt plug - gotta keep it spicy for both holes!
- Lube - because lube is life.
- 2 books - anything by Paulo Coelho because I need his poetic and romantic view of the world in my life, and Goddess in Every Woman which I usually pick a random section and read before bed
- phone - it's my alarm and I use it to listen to sleep meditations since I am a troubled sleeper!
- mini humidifier - I'm in Toronto and it's winter, it's soooo dry!
If you could tell your teenage self one thing about sex, what would you say?I would tell my teenage self that your appearance is the least important factor in your sexual satisfaction. I'd let her know that sexual empowerment comes from when you feel you belong and can take up space safely in your erotic self. I'd suggest to her that she keep masturbating, but try to leave the shame behind because it isn't our authentic voice. I would excitedly tell her that I discovered that someone else's desire for you isn't anywhere near as powerful as your desire for yourself. Then I'd hold up a model of the clitoris and tell her what high school sex ed left out about our bodies’ pleasure potential.
What question about sex and intimacy keeps coming up from your clients in your practice or work?Many of my clients want to be able to get out of their heads during sex. They worry about if their body is sexy enough, if their sexual performance lives up to their partner's expectations and if their desires and fantasies are”'weird” or “too much.” Everyone is struggling with sexual confidence in and out of the bedroom, which tells us that we all were subject to a similar narrative rooted in sexual shame. Our relationship to our sexual confidence is influenced by industries like beauty, fashion, fitness, diet and health, our families of origin, religion, culture, mainstream porn, trauma and more. It's complicated, so for a lot of people they internalize this and it can feel almost impossible to find a different voice amongst all the ones inside you that tell you that you aren't enough. The good news is, many of my clients find that through daily practices, self-compassion and communication, they can unlearn this shame and make more room for pleasure.
"It's better to tackle self-care 5 minutes every day than assigning all your self-care energy to the one vacation you can take a year."