Alexandra Fine, Credentialed Sexologist, M. Psych | Written by Dame
Many long-standing misconceptions about sexual preference still linger today. When you add sexual behaviors into the discussion you’ll find that even more misinformation and half-truths remain “conventional wisdom.”
One good example: the belief that anal sex is primarily practiced by “gay men.” Let’s debunk that one.
But multiple surveys have shown that lots of other people enjoy anal sex, too. One major study reports that almost one-third of vulva-havers had what’s called “heterosexual anal intercourse” during the previous twelve months, and well over one-third had experienced it at some point in their life.
That number is only slightly higher than the number of penis-havers (35% in the previous year, 44% during their life) who reported having anal sex with a differently-gendered partner. And that’s not even counting those who enjoy solo anal play, those who are bisexual, and so on.
So it really is a misconception. A huge number of penis owners have anal sex, no matter their sexual orientation.
And that also means a huge number of penis owners have had – or want to have – anal orgasms.
Many sex experts and medical professionals prefer the term “prostate orgasm,” because the prostate gland is the organ that has to be stimulated in order to produce an anal orgasm in those with penises.
Ask anyone who’s had a prostate orgasm, and they’ll probably tell you it’s the most amazing feeling they’ve ever experienced.
Here’s how to do it.
What Is the Prostate?
It’s difficult to describe how to have a prostate orgasm without first understanding what the prostate is. Here’s the simple answer: it’s a gland that’s part of the reproductive system in penis-havers, located between the rectum and the base of the penis.
The primary function of the prostate gland is to produce the fluid contained in semen. That fluid allows sperm to be transported from the testicles through the penis, so it can fertilize eggs. (Of course, that’s the biological purpose of semen, not always what happens to it.)
Those with prostates (and their loved ones) may only become aware of the gland when it causes a medical issue. As penis-havers grow older, their prostate usually grows larger. It eventually pushes against the bladder and urethra and causes a common condition known as benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH). BPH is characterized by frequent urges to urinate, sleep disruptions caused by regular trips to the bathroom, and feelings of “incomplete emptying.” For most, BPH is annoying but not dangerous. A more serious issue can be prostate cancer; approximately 13% of prostate owners will contract it during their lifetime, usually in their later years.
It’s easy to understand why many penis-havers view their prostate as a source of concern, discomfort, and pain.
But particularly for those who haven’t reached retirement age, the prostate gland should really be viewed as a potential source of immense pleasure. It’s an organ which can produce mind-blowing, full-body orgasms.
The reason is simple. The prostate is located right in the midst of the genital region and contains an enormous number of nerve endings, with many of those nerves connecting to other sexual organs. Since the prostate rarely receives stimulation of any kind, it’s more than ready to respond – and respond quickly – when it’s massaged. That stimulation is sometimes called “prostate milking” because it can cause the ejaculation of fluid right before orgasm.
Some actually refer to the prostate as the “male g-spot” because it’s so sensitive and can produce the strongest orgasms imaginable, although it’s more often called the “p-spot.”
Before we move on, a quick diversion. You may have heard references to the “female prostate,” but that’s not quite the same as the prostate gland in penis owners. Vulva-havers do indeed have prostate tissue, but it’s present in what are called the Skene’s glands, which are homologous to the “male prostate.”
An orgasm cannot be produced by stimulating the Skene’s glands directly, but some research indicates that a connection between the Skene’s glands and the g-spot is why g-spot orgasms are so powerful. Those glands are also partly responsible for the phenomenon of female ejaculation (better known as “squirting”).
OK, let’s get back to penis-havers.
What Makes a Prostate Orgasm Special?
Most prostate owners who’ve achieved orgasm through massage describe the experience as stronger and more satisfying than a penile orgasm.
The most common phrase they use is “whole-body,” saying a prostate orgasm starts with strong contractions in the genital region and then expands as a wave of sexual pleasure that’s felt deeply and throughout the full body, very different than the localized pleasure of a “normal male orgasm.”
One other factor distinguishes prostate orgasms from penile ones. There’s no massive ejaculation, so there’s no refractory period. In other words, there’s no “down time” needed to recharge after an orgasm. Here’s why that matters: many of those who climax from prostate stimulation are able to have multiple orgasms – something almost impossible for penis-havers to experience during simple masturbation or intercourse.
Finding the Prostate
Before you (or a partner) can massage your prostate, you’ll have to find it. That doesn’t necessarily mean going in the back door, though. The gland is so sensitive it can be stimulated externally through the perineum (the area between the scrotum and the anus, often referred to as the “taint”). However, prostate play that produces earth-shaking orgasms will usually require anal penetration.
When you’re ready to locate your prostate, it’s a good idea to get sexually excited first, whether you do it with fantasy, masturbation or foreplay. The excitement won’t just cause an erection, it will increase blood flow to the prostate – causing it to swell and making it easier to find.
Locating the Prostate Externally
Once you’re feeling frisky, press deeply in the area between the testicles and the anus, and try to find a lump that’s about the size of a walnut but feels softer.
If you can’t find it, no worries; not everyone can feel it externally. It’s still possible to stimulate the prostate with pressure on the perineum, although there are no guarantees that it will lead to an orgasm.
Before Looking for the Prostate Internally
Don’t read any further until you’ve got one word planted firmly in your mind: lube.
You need lots and lots of lube for any type of anal play. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce any lubrication on its own. And anal tissues are very sensitive; they can easily be torn if you don’t go slowly, go carefully, and use lots of lube.
There are brands of lube specifically designed for backdoor use, although most brands should be fine as long as you’re reapplying it whenever necessary. Just remember that silicone-based lubes can damage silicone sex toys, and oil-based lubes can ruin condoms. It’s also a good idea to stay away from numbing lubes or agents, because they make it difficult to sense the pain that signals you to stop before you do any damage.
Locating the Prostate Internally
First, completely empty your bowels and then wash the area. Some people like to douche or even perform an enema before anal play, but those won’t make much of a difference unless you’re an expert at douching or self-administering enemas.
Next, trim your fingernails and wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water. If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can wear a latex or nitrile glove.
All clean? Here we go. These instructions are written for those who are searching for their own prostate, but of course they can also be followed by a partner.
- Warm up by getting yourself sexually excited. As we’ve mentioned, that will cause the prostate to engorge with blood and become enlarged. Masturbation (without climaxing) is most effective, if you’re able to hold yourself back from orgasm.
- Apply lube to the anus and one finger (many like to start with the pinky the first time they go exploring), and insert the finger about one inch. Play around as if you’re masturbating inside a vagina, then take the finger out and put on more lube.
- Repeat the last step, but going about two inches deep into the anus. If your pinky is too short, use a longer finger; the index finger will give you the most control, if it’s not too large to insert comfortably. (These two steps are designed to relax the tissues inside the anus. They feel good, too.)
- Repeat once more, this time going 3-4 inches into the anus. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but always remember to stop if you feel pain.
- Point your finger toward the root of the penis and feel along the front wall of the anus (the side nearest the stomach). The prostate is a round, flexible lump that’s usually located 3-4 inches from the anal opening.
If your fingers are long enough, you should find the p-spot fairly easily. If you can’t find it, you may need an anal sex toy (often called a prostate massager) to reach it. Prostate toys generally take the form of dildos or vibrators.
How to Have a Prostate Orgasm
Reminder: Go slow, and use lots of lube before putting anything into the anus.
With External Stimulation
Massaging the prostate externally may or may not lead to an orgasm, but it certainly feels terrific.
Take two or three fingers and press gently but firmly into the perineum; hopefully you’ve already identified the area where the prostate gland is located.
Some experimentation will be necessary to determine the type of movement and speed which will produce the most pleasure; rubbing in a circle ten times and then repeating the motion in the other direction will often do the trick. You can try also stroking or tapping instead of rubbing, or varying the pressure – your body will tell you when you’ve found the proper motion.
If you start to feel like you have to urinate, you’re doing it right. Keep going. Don’t worry, your body won’t let you urinate while you’re sexually aroused.
The release of a somewhat-watery substance from your penis will tell you you’re getting close, and you may be one of the fortunate ones who can have a full prostate orgasm from external stimulation.
If you can’t make it work, no worries; it’s just time to try going inside.
With Internal Stimulation
We’ll assume that you’ve already found your p-spot, so let’s load up with lube and go to pleasure town. Remember, slowly and gently.
Make sure you’ve found a comfortable position; the ones which provide the best access are on your knees doggy-style, on your side, or lying on your back with your knees in the air.
Just as you would while stimulating your prostate externally, try different massaging techniques like stroking, rubbing, pressing or circling the p-spot. One motion that many people recommend is the “come hither” approach, bending the index finger and flicking it back and forth as if you’re beckoning someone to come (sort of fitting, no?).
As we’ve already mentioned, the feeling that you’re about to urinate signals that you’re getting close, and the release of watery ejaculate means you’re even closer (that’s why some call it prostate milking). What comes next? An orgasm that may be better than anything you’ve ever felt. If you need a final push over the top, try pleasuring your genital area or rubbing your stomach when you’re almost there.
If you can’t reach climax by using your fingers, or you want to take things to the next level, an anal vibe, dildo or angled butt plug (they make some designed for prostate play) can help. Don’t use your regular sex toys; anal toys are smaller in diameter than the ones used for genital stimulation so they can fit more comfortably into the anus. Some penis owners find that pegging (a partner using a strap-on dildo for anal play) is the ultimate experience, because a hands-free prostate massage allows them to masturbate during the experience.
Bacteria and STDs can easily be transmitted when anal penetration is involved. If you’re playing with a partner always use a condom on penises or toys during anal play (there’s no harm in using one during solo play, of course) and remember the cardinal rule: never go from anal to vaginal play without completely washing the toy or penis first.
Final Thoughts on Prostate Orgasms
- There are actually health benefits to prostate massage. It can clear what’s called the prostatic duct of excess fluids, a common cause of medical issues like prostatitis (inflammation of the prostate) which makes urination painful. It’s sometimes used to treat sexual health issues like erectile dysfunction as well.
- Strong pelvic floor muscles can make it easier to have a prostate orgasm. Doing daily Kegel exercises are the best way to build them up.
- Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The whole point of trying new things in your sex life is to maximize pleasure and have fun. Prostate orgasming is great, but it’s not the be-all and end-all – and if you don’t climax, there’s always next time!