“If it feels good when you’re doing it, that’s probably squirt.”Another way to tell the difference is to pee before sexually stimulating yourself. This will reduce the chances that you could actually pee, and if you are squirting during sexual activity, you probably won’t be able to do so right away. “It’s almost similar to somebody with a penis having to go from pee zone to ejaculation zone — it’s not an immediate thing. You can’t go from one to the other really quickly,” says Jean. It’s also a lot about context, says Vrangalova. “Squirting feels different from peeing, subjectively speaking,” she says. “Even if the liquid that comes out is mostly urine, it’s still a very different experience. Like, when you go to the gynecologist and they put a speculum in you, you’re technically being penetrated, but you wouldn’t consider that sex. Same with squirting. It might be urine coming out, but it doesn’t feel like urination.” When in doubt about whether you’re peeing or squirting, it’s probably the latter, says Queen. Some women experience urinary incontinence during sex (especially those who do in other situations), but the engorgement associated with sexual arousal actually activates musculature that prevents incontinence, she explains. “I always tell people, if it feels good when you’re doing it, that’s probably squirt,” Jean agrees. “If it’s coming out of your body in a sexual manner, that’s probably what it is.” In other words, if you’re enjoying yourself, there’s no need to analyze what’s coming out of your body. In fact, Queen questions why this topic matters to us at all. “Controversy over this is associated with shame — shame in our bodily functions, especially peeing and secretions; shame about making a mess or being messy/too wet/etc.; shame about our sex lives and doing something unusual sexually,” she says. “Pee can be part of human/mammalian sexual response whether or not you specifically plan for or fetishize it, and in the heat of high arousal and orgasm, honestly, who is jumping up to test their ejaculate fluid? They are in their sexual feelings, which is exactly where they need to be if they are going to let go and have truly pleasurable and orgasmic sex.” Not to mention, says Queen, there’s very little research on this topic, so if you’re confused about whether you’re squirting or peeing, clarity is not likely to be offered to you. About six years after I first experienced this squirt-or-pee confusion, during one epic masturbation marathon on a Friday night, I made myself squirt about seven times with one of my favorite sex toys, a crystal dildo…or was I peeing after all? I consulted Google as to whether I was peeing or squirting, only to find evidence for both possibilities – before it occurred to me how ridiculous it was to interrupt one of my peak sexual experiences to second-guess its validity. So, I took a deep breath, navigated back to the window where I was playing tantra music on YouTube, and got back to playing with my dildo. I realized it didn’t matter whether I called it peeing, squirting, ejaculating, lubrication, some entirely different name science hasn’t yet come up with, or simply: pleasure.
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