Alexandra Fine is the co-founder and CEO of Dame, a pioneering sexual wellness company known for its innovative products and mission to close the pleasure gap. Recognized in Forbes’ 30 Under 30 2018, Alexandra leads Dame in designing user-centered tools that enhance intimacy, receiving acclaim from major outlets like The New York Times and Wired. Under her leadership, Dame Products has become a leader in the sexual wellness industry, raised over $14M in capital, and launched in Target and Walmart, all while advocating for women's health and breaking barriers in advertising.
Edie Elliott Granger
Editor & content strategist
3+ years of experience
Sexual wellnessOrgasm sciencePleasure education
Edie Elliott Granger is Dame's editor and content strategist specializing in sexual wellness, pleasure education, and accessible health information. She helps shape editorial content at Dame, translating research, expert insights, and cultural conversations into clear, approachable resources. With a background in sex education, her work focuses on making conversations around sex, bodies, and pleasure more informed, inclusive, and stigma-free.
Libido is one of those words that gets thrown around casually, often with a lot of pressure attached. You’re supposed to have it. You’re supposed to want sex. And if you don’t? Something must be wrong.
But libido isn’t a switch you flip. It’s not a personality trait. And it’s definitely not indicative of who you are.
Libido is a moving, responsive part of being human, shaped by your brain, your body, your relationships, your stress levels, your hormones, your history, and your season of life. This guide is here to set shared language, reduce shame, and help you understand what’s actually going on beneath the surface.
Consider this your grounding point: the place you come back to when you find yourself wondering: Why don’t I want sex anymore?
What Is Libido?
Libido is your sexual desire: your interest in sex, sexual touch, or sexual connection. It’s the mental and emotional pull toward intimacy, fantasy, or pleasure.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, libido reflects your overall interest in sex and can fluctuate widely across your lifetime—and even week to week.
Importantly: libido isn’t a measure of how sexual you should be. It’s simply information about how your body and brain are responding right now.
Libido isn’t just hormones alone
Hormones matter, but libido isn’t driven by hormones alone.
Research from Harvard Health shows that sexual desire is influenced by multiple factors, including hormones like testosterone and estrogen, mood, stress, medications, and relationship dynamics, rather than any single cause.That means you can have “normal” hormone levels and still feel disconnected from desire—and vice versa.
Libido is desire plus arousal
One of the most common misunderstandings about libido is that desire and arousal are the same thing. They’re not.
You can experience one without the other. The Cleveland Clinic explains the sexual response cycle, including desire and arousal, as distinct but related phases. Neither desire nor arousal is “more real.” They’re just different parts of the same system.
More desire? Oh yesss, please.
Dame's Desire Gummies improves mood, increases desire, and reduces anxiety
Libido exists in people of all genders, but it may show up differently because of:
Hormones
Social conditioning
Expectations about initiating sex
Body changes across the lifespan
Many men report more spontaneous desire (feeling turned on “out of nowhere”).
Conversely, many women report more responsive desire, desire that appears after arousal or closeness has already begun. Sex educator Emily Nagoski, PhD, describes responsive desire as healthy and common. If desire doesn’t “just appear,” nothing is wrong with you. Your system may simply need context, safety, warmth, or time.
What Is Low Libido?
Low libido simply means: less sexual desire than you want for yourself. Not “less than your partner.” Not “less than before kids.” Not “less than the internet says is normal.”
According to the Mayo Clinic, low libido is only considered a disorder if it causes personal distress.
Symptoms of low libido may include:
Lack of interest in sex or masturbation
Few sexual thoughts or fantasies
Avoiding sexual situations
Feeling “switched off” or disconnected from pleasure
Feeling distressed about low desire
Common causes of low libido may include:
Stress or burnout
Depression or anxiety
Relationship strain
Pain during sex
Postpartum changes
Perimenopause and menopause
Certain medications
Medical conditions
Poor sleep or exhaustion
Low libido is not laziness, failure, or lack of effort. It’s your nervous system communicating something.
Desire vs. Arousal
Desire comes from cognitive motivation and lives mostly in the brain, while arousal often describes physiological readiness, meaning it lives mostly in the body.
You might:
Want sex, but your body isn’t responding
Feel physically aroused, but mentally uninterested
Both experiences are common.
Clinicians often differentiate between:
Cognitive desire = “I want sex”
Physiological arousal = “my body is ready”
When culture treats them as identical, people—especially women and nonbinary individuals—can sometimes feel that they are “broken.” They aren’t.
Having a balance between desire and arousal that feels good in your own body is a great precursor to more electric and pleasurable sexual experiences.
The Brain on Libido
Your brain is your primary sex organ.
It constantly evaluates:
Am I safe?
Am I stressed?
Am I tired?
Do I feel desired?
Do I feel connected?
Is there novelty here?
Dopamine, serotonin, cortisol, nervous system
Dopamine fuels motivation and reward anticipation and is therefore strongly linked to desire.
Serotonin influences mood, which is why, according to Harvard Health, we sometimes see SSRI antidepressants that increase serotonin can lower libido for some people.
Cortisol rises with chronic stress and suppresses sexual interest.
Lastly, your autonomic nervous system must feel safe to allow arousal. Stress signals shut desire down because your body prioritizes survival over pleasure. That isn’t weakness, i’s biology.
Why Libido Changes Over Time
Libido is not designed to be steady. It responds to your life.
Stress
Chronic stress is one of the most common libido dampeners. Studies have repeatedly shown links between stress and reduced desire.
Medications
SSRIs and some hormonal contraceptives are frequent contributors.
Relationships
Desire thrives on novelty, emotional safety, communication, and feeling wanted. Long-term relationships often trade novelty for familiarity, and that shift alone can change desire levels.
Pregnancy, postpartum, and aging
Hormonal shifts, recovery, identity changes, and sleep loss play massive roles. Libido commonly fluctuates during pregnancy and after birth.
Why antidepressants sometimes lower libido
Increased serotonin from medications like SSRIs may dampen dopamine—and dopamine fuels desire.
Why does libido often increase during ovulation?
Around ovulation, estrogen rises and testosterone also rises, which can often boost sexual desire.
Why does working out increase libido?
Exercise increases blood flow, dopamine, testosterone, and mood/body confidence. Studies have shown a consistent association between moderate physical activity and enhanced sexual function.
Why is libido sometimes higher during your period?
Some people notice increased desire during menstruation due to:
Let’s say this clearly: a changing libido does not mean something is wrong with you. Libido fluctuates because bodies change, relationships change, mental health changes, stress ebbs and flows, and seasons of life shift. If you notice that your libido is lower than normal or lower than you’d like it to be, there are some things you can do to improve it.
Libido diagnostics
If changes to your libido are something you’re interested in exploring with a medical professional, a clinician might investigate:
Hormone levels
Thyroid function
Sleep and stress
Pain or pelvic floor dysfunction
Medications and side effects
Depression or anxiety
Libido management & treatment options
If changes to your libido are something you’d actively like to address, options may include:
Stress and sleep support
Adjusting medications
Sex therapy
Trauma-informed therapy
Pelvic floor therapy
Mindfulness or embodiment practices
Redefining what “sex” means to you
There is no one “fix” because there is no one cause. It’s about listening to your body and understanding what factors in your life might be contributing to a lower desire for sex.
What’s considered a healthy libido?
A healthy libido is one that feels aligned for you. In fact, The World Health Organization frames sexual health as wellbeing, not frequency or performance.
There isn’t a standard one-size-fits-all answer. It’s really about what feels natural and good to you. Libido really is a conversation between your brain, body, history, and current lifestyle. It’s allowed to change with you and often does through different seasons of life.
If your libido feels different or off, just remember that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken. You’re a person with a nervous system, a story, and a body doing its best. If you want to explore ways to increase your libido, that’s a beautiful goal. We support you <3
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Libido: What It Is, Why It Changes, and Why You’re Not Broken
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