There’s one simple thing that all people with vaginas can do to own their own pleasure: masturbate.Dr. Britney Blair, a psychologist and founder of the sexual wellness app Lover, says that the idea of a partner (most often a cis man) “giving” you an orgasm “ties back to the days when women were property.” Women, she says, were expected to “give” their partner their bodies, and the partner would “give” them an orgasm in return. And while it might seem difficult to overcome thousands of years of social conditioning, there’s actually one simple thing that all people with vaginas can do to own their own pleasure: masturbate.
Get to Know Your BodyDr. Blair suggests masturbating with an “arousal scale” from zero to 10 — with 10 being orgasm — in mind. Notice where different types of touch bring you on the arousal scale. Perhaps rubbing your clit slowly brings you from a two to a four. Explore what four feels like, then increase speed or pressure to see if you can bring yourself up to five or six. Keep trying different types of stimulation until you have a good idea of what works and what doesn’t.
“Lean into your vulnerability a little bit. That’s the point of growth.”“Partnered activity is great, too,” Dr. Blair says. “But masturbation is the single best thing people with vaginas can do for their sexual wellness.” Dr. Blair also recommends kegel exercises to help build pelvic floor muscles, increase awareness of that part of the body, and up the frequency and intensity of orgasm. The combination of kegels and masturbation will make you the best expert on how to get your body to orgasm.