Alexandra Fine, Credentialed Sexologist, M. Psych | Written by Dame
“Riding a dildo” sounds more like a description for porn videos than the topic for a relatively-serious website.
We were curious when we sat down to write this relatively-serious article, so we checked Pornhub (strictly research, of course!). It turns out that the phrase isn’t actually in the top twenty of last year’s searches. That rarified air is occupied by terms like “MILF,” “big tits,” “squirting,” “threesome” and “pornstars.”
But it is in the next batch, right alongside terms that include “brunettes,” “busty,” “blowjobs,” “double penetration,” “lingerie” and “slut.” And if you do a live search, there are 5831 pages of dildo-ride videos. “Riding dildo” is one of the most requested topics on webcam sites, too. That’s some pretty steamy territory.
Let’s use a more genteel synonym to clarify what we’re really talking about: using a dildo.
There wouldn’t seem to be much to tell; dildos are obviously designed to fit into bodily orifices, and they don’t vibrate or have controls. Can’t you just put the toy into your desired slot and go from there?
Well sure, you can. But then you probably wouldn’t get the full sexual satisfaction that can be enjoyed when you know all of the proper techniques and tricks. (We’ve learned that the latter term has a lot of PornHub searches, too.)
So let’s figure out the right way to ride a dildo.
Choosing the Right Dildo
No, they’re not all the same. Not even close. To choose the right dildo, you have to figure out where you want to put it and how you want to use it.
Most users will want to use their toy for vaginal penetration and the foreplay that leads up to it. If you’re more interested in anal dildos, we’ll discuss those shortly. Just be aware that in most cases, the two are not interchangeable; most “standard” toys are too large and thick to comfortably fit in the back door, especially since the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication.
Here’s a brief guide to the types of dildos you can buy.
Dildo Shapes
You certainly know that dildos are generally shaped like penises. The word “generally” is doing a lot of work there, however, since many of these toys don’t resemble a real penis. They may be simple cylinders, some are angled to more easily contact the g-spot or the a-spot, or they can be oversized with larger-than-normal heads or shafts.
Realistic dildos also come in a number of varieties. Some are crafted to look just like the real thing, complete with replicas of the scrotum and testicles, complete with veins and wrinkles. Others come close to being exact duplicates but only have the “testicles,” which create the same type of external contact experienced during vaginal intercourse. And there are those which resemble a penis but have added bumps or ridges to stimulate the vulval nerve endings and provide additional pleasure. Most sex toy companies will tell you that realistic dildos are regularly their top-seller, although many people prefer the slippery feel of smooth surfaces.
There’s no “right choice,” though. Just as with partners, you may have to try some out before you find the one you want to stick with for a while.
Dildo Materials
What often goes unnoticed is the importance of the material that a dildo is made from. The two categories to be familiar with are porous and non-porous materials.
Porous materials like PVC, elastomer, vinyl, cyberskin and leather are softer and can be more comfortable to use, because their small air pockets make them more flexible.
Unfortunately, they also allow water and body fluids to penetrate, carrying bacteria, viruses and STDs with them – and it’s almost impossible to completely sanitize them (to remove all of the bacteria) after use. It’s safest to use condoms on porous dildos, but that can cramp many people’s style in bed. Some (like jelly/rubber dildos, hard to find nowadays) may also contain hazardous chemicals like phthalates.
Non-porous dildos and sex toys are safer, more hygienic and easier to clean. Some, like silicone dildos (look for medical-grade silicone toys), are pretty darned comfortable as well. Glass and pyrex dildos are nonporous, can be cleaned by a few minutes in boiling water, and are great choices, as are metal dildos, for those into temperature play (heating the dildo before use). Other non-porous choices include ABS plastic and stone.
The best dildo for most beginners is made from medical-grade silicone, because it’s flexible, comfortable and easy to clean. If you’re looking for something completely safe but harder, pyrex is the way to go.
Dildo Sizes
People usually have one of two common reactions when looking at a huge dildo: utter fright, or “I want it!”
But the important thing to remember is that the purpose of any sex toy is to provide pleasure, and as everyone who enjoys penetration has learned, technique is more important than size. In other words, you don’t need a big dildo to bring yourself to orgasm. The goal is satisfaction, not impressing your partner or bestie.
These toys come in an enormous assortment of lengths and thicknesses. They’re often measured by girth rather than widths; if you remember high school math, girth refers to circumference and not diameter. A dildo’s girth usually increases proportionately to its width.
The easiest way to choose the “right” dildo size is to visualize your preference in a penis. The average penis is about six inches long and five inches in girth, if that helps. Starting out with a smaller toy is always a safer choice until you get used to riding it. You can always go back and get that impressively-large 12-inch long dildo if you feel you’re ready for it. If you have a small build (or are really hesitant), you can find models a lot shorter than six inches, too.
Finally, just to repeat: Most of the dildos we’ve been discussing aren’t designed to fit into the anus. You need a special toy for that.
Varieties of Dildos
Not all dildos closely resemble penises. There are several other choices which can really liven up your solo or partner play.
- Suction cup dildo: This toy has a suction cup at its base. That means it can be attached to the wall, a headboard, the shower wall or another surface for hands-free play; you can even mount it on a table to simulate sex in the cowgirl position. Spending a night with your favorite suction cup dildo can almost make you feel like you’re having wild sex with an uninhibited partner in many different positions and locations.
- Double dildo: You do need someone else to fully enjoy this long toy with dildos on each end. It’s built to facilitate simultaneous penetration for both partners.
- Strap-on dildos: Most commonly used by two vagina-owning partners, a strap-on is also a fun way that any partners can use to enjoy anal penetration or pegging.
- Novelty dildos: Imagination is a wonderful thing, particularly for those designing sex toys. You can now find innovative models like dildos which can be inflated during use to simulate erection, and even squirting dildos to simulate ejaculation. Many manufacturers advertise vibrating dildos as well, but those are really just vibrators.
Dildos for Anal Penetration
We promised we’d get here.
Put simply, anal dildos have two major characteristics that separate them from toys designed to be used vaginally. They’re slimmer, because the anus isn’t as wide as the vagina and it doesn’t produce lubrication to help the process. And they have a wide base, to ensure that the dildo doesn’t go so far into the anus that it gets “lost” and can’t easily be removed.
There are many different shapes, sizes and styles of anal dildos suitable for both penis- and vagina-havers. There aren’t as many choices as there are for “standard” dildos, but you’d probably be surprised at the variety that’s available.
Most of these toys take the same general shape as the penis, although they’re usually not anatomically correct; they’re more likely to have ridges and bumps aimed at stimulating the enormous number of nerve endings in the anus. Smaller dildos or butt plugs are a good choice for beginners.
There’s one other very popular option: prostate dildos and massagers, angled to hit the prostate (or p-spot) in penis owners. Prostate orgasms are full-body climaxes and perhaps the most intense pleasure a penis-haver can experience.
How to Ride a Dildo
Once you have the right toy, it’s time to “ride” it. We’ll start with standard dildos, and finish (pun intended) with the ones used for back-door play.
Here’s the first step: make sure the dildo is clean, and that you have lots of lube on hand.
Now the second step: get comfortable. Any type of penetration – and for that matter, any type of stimulation – will only be satisfying and effective when you’re in the mood for sex. It doesn’t matter whether you get excited by candles and incense, watching or reading porn, or simply fantasizing; your dildo ride could end up a major disappointment if you’re not ready to go.
What makes a dildo an ideal companion, though, is the fact that it can be used to help you get ready. Not only is it perfect for clitoral stimulation or testicular teasing, it’s a lot easier to reach other erogenous zones like the nipples or the nape of the neck with a dildo than it is with a penis. In fact, those with a quick trigger may find that using the toy on their clitoris and labia can do the job all by itself.
Riding a Dildo Vaginally
Once you’re ready to “put the key into the slot” and you’ve lubed up your toy, slowly insert it. (If you’re playing with a partner, of course, they can do the heavy lifting.) You may find that the angle isn’t right or that you have to change your position, so don’t be afraid to take it out and try again until it feels good.
You’re finally set for the fun part: riding. The same type of action that satisfies you during intercourse may be exactly what works for you with a dildo, but that action also depends on the flexibility and abilities of the penis owner. The real advantage of using a dildo is that it’s much easier to experiment. Try different thrusting speeds, motions and angles; you may discover new sensations you’ve never experienced before.
If you’re using a dildo specifically designed for g-spot stimulation, it may take a while to find the sweet spot. Be patient – and enjoy the exploration. You may even find the a-spot, several inches further up the vaginal wall and capable of providing even more satisfying orgasms than the g-spot.
To fully enjoy riding your dildo, try different sexual positions as well; there’s no “requirement” that you use your toy in the traditional missionary position. Try lying on your side or inserting it doggy-style and you may find you can produce very different sensations. If you have a suction-cup dildo, that vastly increases the possibilities.
Some find that the best use for a dildo is to leave it completely inserted while using a vibrator to stimulate other erogenous zones, particularly the clitoris. That provides the sensation of “fullness” that’s often missing during clitoral stimulation.
Riding a Dildo Anally
We promise that this will be final time we say it: make sure you have the right dildo if you’re going in the back way, and use lots of lube since the anus doesn’t produce its own. (We don’t like nagging; we just don’t want you to get hurt.)
The process is similar to the one we’ve just described, but go even more slowly and carefully at first. The anal canal will widen after the dildo has been inserted and you begin to ride, but it can take a while, and anal tissues are more likely to tear or rupture than vaginal ones.
You may be surprised at the amount of pleasure that riding an anal dildo can produce. That’s due to the large number of nerve endings in the anus, and you may find that you don’t need any more pleasure than that.
However, the ultimate goal for penis-havers is to stimulate a prostate orgasm. And vulva-havers may be able to experience a powerful “anal” orgasm, which experts say is probably due to stimulation of the g-spot through the wall shared by the anus and vagina. In both cases, it will take some exploration to find the sweet spot, but aim the dildo for the base of the genitals and you’ll be on the right track.
Want an even more exciting ride? Use additional sex toys during anal stimulation, like vibrating cock rings or clitoral vibrators, to turn things up to 11.
“Riding a dildo” may sound exotic, edgy or even dirty, but it isn’t. It’s good, clean sexual fun that at least half of Americans enjoy on a regular basis – for very good reasons.